The B-Word: Part Two

Wow… long-time no see… or rather, write. I hope you all are growing, learning, making mistakes, and becoming independent in the world as you become dependent on the Lord. I know that is where I have been. I have been stretched thin, I have struggled with deep thought and question, and I have seen growth.

I think a lot of the time, we get this idea that we must be happy and joyous all of the time in order to experience growth. However, I believe that we see growth when we are stretched thin, when we ask questions, when we repent of our sins, and when we sit in the heaviness of our sin. That is where we grow. This point leads me to this b-word that I do not think gets addressed enough. It tends to isolate us in our thought. It can leave us weary, confused, and at times angry. It is the foundation of our faith. It is BELIEF.

That is right, I said BELIEF.

Doubt is a fear of belief— fearing that God does not hold you fast, a fear that God forgets you, a fear that He is not real. Doubt can keep us tossing and turning at night, make us feel a knot in our throat, and it can stop us from becoming who we are meant to be in God. However, doubt proposes opportunity for growth.

Okay, but how can this fear of questioning the faith enable me to grow?! My mother knows I doubt. She knows I struggle with it. However, she has always told me, “Leah, you have something to doubt.” This always comforts me because I know I want to doubt these doubts that are thrown my way. This restlessness can be redeemed through prayer.

Doubting is questioning. Our God has ALL of the answers. I encourage you to pray. To ask. To seek. To knock. (Matthew 7:7). I have struggled with severe doubt. Where I, too, was restless, angry, mad, and confused. I still am, without the comfort and peace of Christ. It is a constant surrender. My thoughts, words, and questions. I ask Him. He wants our questions, our thoughts, and our words to PRAISE Him as they fall off our lips as we come to know more about Him.

What has helped me through this season of doubt was a phrase I have come across. Two words in which, at first, I had no idea what they meant: Coram Deo. This Latin phrase is translated into “in the presence of God.”

This phrase was a challenge for me. I think we all get caught up in going to church, serving the community, and even waiting to worship Him when we are with other Believers. However, when you are walking in Coram Deo—that is bound to change.

You become mindful of your words, your actions, your thoughts, your questions, and WHO God is! You prayer fervently for strength, you begin asking Him the questions as they arise, you begin to worship in the moment for His goodness that is revealed to you, and you begin to grow closer with the God who CREATED YOU IMPERFECTLY PERFECT BUT SAVED BY GRACE.

Sisters and brothers do not get caught up in the questions. Do not let the questions identify the circumstance and obstacle that is before you. Rather, walk in the presence of God—knowing He is present in every situation, every moment, every thought, and every question you have of who He is.

Walking in Coram Deo ENABLES you to many freedoms of overcoming the questions, the doubt, the restless nights. You are free, so why do you bound yourself in chains. Colossians 1: 16-18 says:

“16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

17 And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.

18 And he is the head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he might have the preeminence.”

God created our passions, desires, creativity, abilities, talents, and even questions that will enable us to run to HIM. Our questions should not be swept under the rug, rather ask your Father and in His timing, He will reveal. You have purpose, therefore, your questions do as well:

“4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:” (Ephesians 1:4)

You are chosen, known, loved, and God knew your sin and your questions before HE CREATED YOU! THAT IS CRAZY AMAZING!

I encourage you to read Peter. It has led me on a wild journey as I sought after the Lord’s answers to many of my questions. Doubt is something I have wrestled with FOR YEARS. Many times, I have let it beat me up or I swept it under the rug. However, unless you fight your Goliath, these restless questions, doubt, and fear will only grow.

Read 1 Peter 1. It has 25 verses. Read it and devour His truth and wisdom. Here is a little glimpse of His goodness: (1 Peter 1: 6-10)

“6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

9 Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.

10 Of which salvation the prophets have enquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you:”

Even though early prophets did not understand the coming of the Messiah, we too do not see the BIG picture behind the sin we struggle with. We do not understand why we have so many questions, why we fall into temptation, etc. Your trials of the testing of your faith will produce fruit, confidence, and strength in the LORD!!! AMEN! All we have to do is Believe and our God does the rest.

11 Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow.

12 Unto whom it was revealed, that not unto themselves, but unto us they did minister the things, which are now reported unto you by them that have preached the gospel unto you with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven; which things the angels desire to look into.

13 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;” (1 Peter 1: 11-13)

The best way to keep our eyes on Jesus is to ask these questions. To face our sin head on with the strength of the Lord, not our own. Is it not beautiful that even ANGELS DESIRE to look into these things—of getting to know the Lord, of understanding His word, and to fight with the strength of the Holy Spirit!? Blows my mind and makes me crave and appreciate His word!

This post is a bit longer, but I tell ya—I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH DOUBT LIKE NO OTHER. And I will continue to do so if I keep ignoring it! Fight the sin before you with the strength of the Lord, with His word, and with the prayer! Ask your Father, seek His word, and Knock at His door for revelations as you read and walk in faith! Coram Deo is a beautiful way to live… in the presence of God. Knowing that every word, thought, and action is seen by God. This is not to make you feel chained, but rather it frees you from the sins that we are so easily entangled in. Knowledge is power, so get in the WORD and ASK God what you want!

“ 3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3 NIV).

What we know about Christ will eventually determine how we see Him and how we think He sees us. Root yourself in the assurance of God’s Word and I WILL PROMISE you that He will reveal Himself to you, free you from sin, and you will even delight in discovering your identity in Him. Believe in the process of falling in love with God and falling out of sin.

If you have questions or are wrestling with doubt, please reach out! Below is an option to leave comments with your email! I promise this is confidential! We as believers must support and pray for one another! Prayer is powerful!

Let me know your thoughts below as well as introduce yourself!

You are not alone. Trust me. Blow this B-Word up as you begin to Believe!

Much Love Always,

Leah!

*Photo from Unsplash.com created by Priscilla Du Preez.